I asked a smart man, so smart he applied to be on Jeopardy, what word he would use to describe me now that he had gotten to know me.
His response after I asked him to pause and reflect on why he would be choosing the word he would chose. Once he moved forward his response was “distinguished”.
I wasn’t sure at first how to respond.
So I paused and decided to reflect about the word. I looked up the definition. I had only recalled hearing it being said about a man. What came to mind was “distinguished man” like my grandpa, my mommy’s daddy, was described as.
The definition as stated on Safari when I looked it up was “successful, authoritative, and commanding great respect”.
I wasn’t sure what to think of this word used to describe me.
I had just come out of a 17 year marriage to a man who I believe would do anything he could to pick on me, belittle me and weaken me throughout the years. I wasn’t sure how to receive such a word to describe me. I sat up in my chair straighter and the following morning had a conversation with myself in the mirror about how distinguished I am.
I broke the mold that I had been molded into over the years and came out of my shell.
I had a one sided conversation with myself in the mirror the following morning. I told myself “you are distinguished, you are successful, you are authoritative and you do demand great respect and not only that, you can do anything you put your mind to” and walked away from the mirror.
The conversations we have in our heads effect our life. We tell ourselves bad things we will continue to attract bad things. We tell ourselves good things we are most likely to attract good things.
The concept is simple yet most tend to complicate the process. Why? It is called self sabotage. If you have never heard the term please do yourself a favor and look the phrase up. We are our own worst enemy.
I’d left that 17 year marriage with the mindset that I simply cannot live my life like this anymore. So I chose not to.
I chose to surround myself with people that believed in me on some days when I didn’t believe in myself.
The picture that you see on this blog is breakfast I had made my 80 year old daddy who had come to live with me during the time of my separation. I didn’t have plates like I used to to serve food on for my family of 6 after I had left not my first, but my second marriage. When I left I took my king size bed that I had slept in for a better part of 14 years by myself and my clothes. This particular day I didn’t have dinnerware or paper plates, but I was able to serve my daddy breakfast by placing it on top of a Tupperware lid. It was an eye opening experience as to how long I put up with what I put up with and then realize what I eventually ended up with and without.
I believe where there is a way there is always always a mother fucking way. Creativity is a must. I believe in God and the universe and them you have to trust.
Today I stand confident, proud of where I am compared to where I was and now believe I am distinguished, I am successful, I am authoritative, I am commanding great respect of myself and those I allow into my world.
If your going through hell keep going. I promise you, you will come out bigger and brighter than you ever though you could be. Trust the process.