#PauseReflectMoveForward

Raising four kids as you can imagine can have its challenges.

One of the things that I have done for so many years is tell my girls to not date boys till they are older. To stay away from them.
Looking back the reason why I did that was because of all the sadness that I had from being in relationships with men and I didn’t want my girls to be hurt.

As a woman in my 40s who started having kids in her 20’s with daughters who are now 20, 16 and 14, I’m looking back on why I may have chosen to raise them in that way.
I realize now that was due to my own experiences with men. So I put that on them.
I’m aware of this now and am doing what I can as a parent to not only learn myself, but to teach them as well.

I also have a son who is 11. I have done my best to teach him how to be not only be a good boy, but to learn how to treat girls. I’ve also taught him to be a protecter not only of himself, but of his sisters and myself. That was due to being in an abusive relationship. Again I put my experiences on him.

As we learn we grow or at least one would hope so. If not what’s the point?

I would love for all of them to feel love at some point of their life from someone male or female. And be open just enough to allow them to receive it. I’m sure you would agree that when someone says they love you it is much different when they show you. When they were little I always put their needs before mine. I taught them to be 2nd because of that.

To be able to love yourself first by giving your body what it needs, surrounding yourself with people who believe in you when you don’t necessarily believe in yourself and then feeling love from someone else to help you continue on your journey. At this point of my life I believe this and it is what I now teach.

Learning about yourself is and should be a priority. As a parent teaching doesn’t stop as your kids get older. Learning and growing in a never ending process. But if you chose not to you will forever be chasing your own tail.

Taking a moment to pause and reflect on why you chose to do what you did at the time you did it will help you to move forward.

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